Friday, April 01, 2016

Tips for Living with Artsy Hair

So. If you, like me, have long dreamed about having artistic hair, I want to encourage you wholeheartedly to go for it. If you're an artist or art faculty or graphic designer or web designer, there are people out there already who are disappointed that your hair is not green or purple or blue. I took the leap just a few weeks ago, and I could not be happier. Turns out, there were only two kinds of people in my life: people who loved my purple hair, and people who thought I already had purple hair. And I'm now the Faculty Member Most Likely to be trotted out to meet prospective students; purple hair gives you some street cred with high school students that I had not, apparently, fully appreciated.

That being said, however, living with hair this color has some unique aspects to it. Here are some tips to help you live with artsy hair.

1. Expect additions to your morning routine. You get up, pour coffee, say affirmations, brush teeth, etc. etc. You will now need to add "clean ears" to that list, because overnight they will have transformed to be the same color as your hair. And this happens Every. Single. Day.

2. Invest in night cream for your face and neck. Use it every night. Not because of wrinkles, but because it makes it a lot easier to wipe the dye off your face and neck the next morning.


Here I am, rocking my
purple and red combination
3. Purchase some new bed linens and towels. Shoot for something that is your new hair color. Or dark brown. Or black. Black is good.

4. Put away the fancy nightie. Sleep in a tye-dyed tee shirt. It makes more sense. You'll find out why.

5. Remember shower caps? Yeah. Get some.

6. Learn a new shower pattern. My shower routine generally involved me having my head under the shower head for most of the time. My new shower routine is more in the "splash and step away" vein. I also shower in two temperatures, starting cooler while I wash and condition my hair, and turning up the warmth for washing the rest of me.

7. Understand that "wash, rinse, repeat" is a fallacy. You don't need to repeat. Wash, rinse is enough.

8. Do you have a really good tub and tile cleaner? Good.

9. Buy some nail polish. Scratching one's head yields, uh ... interesting and difficult to dispell results under one's fingernails. It's easier to just cover it up.

10. If it's early on in your dye job, stay out of the rain. And no, I'm not posting pictures.

Now you're prepared! I hope that you all make haste to your hairdresser and get that coveted shade of violet or turquoise or fuscia on your head right away.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Selling Art through Virtual Galleries: Yes or No?

Long ago, in the olden days before the Internet existed (yes, I AM that old), artists sold art out of galleries and festivals and fairs and “alternative spaces” like cafes and hotel lobbies. Art-buying was pretty much always an in-person process. We artists convinced ourselves it wasn’t so commodified as, say, buying a can of beans. With art, we told ourselves, people came and looked closely at our work. They absorbed it. There was something about it that sang to them. They “got” us. And then they wrote a check.

But there has always been this other story.  The one where the couple at the art fair stands in front of a truly amazing piece of artwork for nearly an hour, having a loud disagreement as to whether that shade of green will even work with their sofa. The one where a prospective buyer asks if you have a piece “like that one, but horizontal” because he really needs to “just get something over the fireplace before Sunday.” Impersonal, task-based, commodified. Not our ideal, but an element of our reality nonetheless. People buying beans, not meaning.

That’s what the idea of selling artwork online felt like to many of us on the first pass--impersonal, commodity-based, without the opportunity to form any kind of artist/patron relationship.  In reality, the “beanification” of artwork by selling online is nowhere near a “thing.” In fact, if you work it right (and I do mean WORK), it can be an opportunity to create an even stronger personal relationship with people who do truly appreciate your art—but more about that in a later post.

So. Should you sell art through one of the burgeoning number of online galleries? The answer is “it depends,” both on the kind of work you do and your goals.  

Online sellers are constrained by the market, just as many brick-and-mortar sellers are. Vango, a San Francisco-based online art gallery, notes in its curatorial policy statement, “We want every piece to be successful on Vango. To that end, we curate work based on whether we have an appropriate audience to guarantee the work’s success … If your piece is not accepted, we are not necessarily saying it’s “bad” or we don’t like it. We’re saying that we don’t have the audience for it at this time and accepting it would harm the overall artist community.”  

Heather Robinson, a visual artist living in San Francisco, maintains a very active gallery showing schedule for her work, but has also ventured into online sales through Vango.   “There is so much art there it can be hard to be seen unless you spend a lot of time and effort pursuing it,” she explains.  “I have sold a couple of pieces (through) Vango, but it’s been a long time.  I think they are at least trying to be receptive to artists’ needs.”

Santa Monica, CA’s SaatchiArt and Vango offer artists 70% of a work’s sale price and assist with shipping, marketing and record-keeping, outstripping what many brick-and-mortar galleries are willing to do for the artists they represent.  UGallery, which has offices in New York and San Francisco, offers a 50/50 split. All three make a concerted effort to promote their artists within the confines of their online homes.  But all of the websites also offer prospective buyers the opportunity to search work by generic theme, price, size and shape.  And Vango has an iPhone app for collectors that lets them take photos of the areas in which they want to place artwork and then search for work that … wait for it … matches the color palette of the space. 

In the final analysis, selling art online can possibly put your work in front of new audiences that are primed and ready to buy, but there’s no guarantee that your work will be an online success. Cutting through the noise is crucial, but so is maintaining marketability.  A “get rich quick” scheme it is not.

I always hear stories of people selling but I do not know any personally,” confirms Robinson.

So if your goal is to make lots of money easily … insert sad trombone here. Not going to happen. But if you want another methodology to potentially get your work in front of people who just might buy it, then an online gallery could be useful for you. Your work is bound to come up in someone’s search at some point, and who knows—you might be the exact fit for their souls, or their sofas, and which it is might not actually matter.

In the words of the artist at the art fair who eventually accepted a hefty four-figure check from the arguing couple in the first paragraph, “I can appreciate a piece all day long. But if it just sits in my studio forever, what good is that?”

Resources:

Vango Art

SaatchiArt

UGallery

“Art Galleries, Art Sales and the Internet: A Survey,” ArtBusiness.com.

“Art Makes a Move Online,” by Scott Reyburn, The New York Times Online, May 18, 2014. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/19/arts/international/Art-Makes-a-Move-Online.html?_r=0

“Small Retailers Get Good News as Online Art Sales Double, per Hiscox Report,” by Annie Pilon, Small Business Trends, March 25, 2016. http://smallbiztrends.com/2016/03/online-art-sales-double.html


Saturday, March 05, 2016

Should You Pursue Juried Shows?


By E. Marie Robertson

Juried calls for art seem to be everywhere these days, for everything from established galleries to “alternative spaces” like storefront windows and vacant buildings.  Opinions about whether artists benefit from participating in such calls are equally diverse;  Juried calls are characterized as everything from a great way for emerging artists to build up their exhibition records to activities unworthy of ‘serious’ artists or, at the far extreme, pure scams.

To be sure, there are calls for work out there that fit each of these descriptions.  How can you tell the difference?

According to Benny Shaboy, editor and publisher of the curated call list Art Opportunities Monthly and a thoughtful student of juried calls for more than 18 years, your first step should be to check out the website of the call’s sponsor.  Adverise-y language or hype is usually a tip-off, as are for-profit galleries that mention additional fees for “hanging” or “initiation.” For-profit sponsors that charge a submission fee but also offer framing, art consultation, or other paid services for artists or customers may at best be a private business running a competition to generate income.  “It may not be bogus, but the odds are slim that your work will be seen by the sort of people you want it seen by, and the odds that it will sell are even slimmer,” he explains.

“Good” calls for work may or may not charge a submission fee.  “In general, established calls that have been around for at least a few years are better because they have worked out the kinks,” Shaboy adds.  "The prestige of the [sponsoring] organization and/or the juror(s) should also be considered.”  

So is it worth your time and sometimes money to respond to a juried call? According to Shaboy, the answer is “it depends.”

“Entering a juried show on a whim is about as useful as buying a lottery ticket,” he asserts. “It should be done as part of a thoughtful plan.” Before pursuing participation in any juried show, consider where you are in your art career, what your goals are, and whether actually getting into that show will result in something that is specifically helpful to you, whether that’s cash, exposure, sales, a solo show, or getting your work in front of a particular juror.  

If you’re considering submitting work to a juried show, Shaboy offers the following tips to help you select and, ideally, be selected by, the “right” kind of juried exhibition:

1. Pay close attention to the sponsoring organization’s website. Look at what they seem to feature or respond to, especially if they showcase the work of past winners. Make sure the work featured is a good fit with your own in terms of type and aesthetic outlook. If you find no website or a site with very little information, strike that “opportunity” off you list, Shaboy suggests.

2. Consider the artistic history and background of the juror(s).  Google is your friend when seeking out this type of information.

3. Make sure you meet any specified criteria for the call, like medium, size, geographic location, etc.  Various estimates suggest that 25% to 40% of all work submitted to juried calls never makes it to the jury because of immediate disqualification for not meeting one or more of the call’s stated requirements. “In this case, the artist gets nothing and the organization keeps the submission fee, “ Shaboy points out.

4. If you’re just starting out, focus on local calls at first. They’re not only less complicated to enter (avoiding fees for shipping work long distances), but you  also have the opportunity to follow up by attending the show in person.  This is vital, especially if you were not accepted into the show; by attending and looking at the work that WAS accepted, you learn what a particular juror or organization is responding to. This is useful information for the next time you submit.

5. Make note of patterns you see emerging and be ready to adjust your plan accordingly—and keep at it.  If you feel juried shows are for you, don’t give up; consider every show regardless of outcome a good learning opportunity, Shaboy explains. “I have a good friend who started out entering the shows put on by her local photography club. After the first two, in which her submissions were rated last or next-to-last, she decided that the photo club was not for her ideal venue.  She began entering other shows, making the kind of notes and observations I mentioned above, always looking for the type of jurors and shows and competitions that seemed to fit her work best. She continued this process for several years and as of today has had more than a dozen important shows around the world, including museum shows. Her work is in about 20 museum collections in the US, the UK, Europe and Asia.”

Resources:
Carefully screened art opportunities list for traditional and contemporary artists working in all media. Readers of this blog who are not already subscribers can get an absolutely free three-month subscription to the Professional version of AOM by using this link: http://www.artopportunitiesmonthly.com/AOM_3_free_sub.html.

Artshow

Joanne Mattera Art Blog

By Aletta de Wal
Empty Easel.com






Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Busting Through Creative Block


By E. Marie Robertson

Creative block is one of the most stressful, frustrating experiences an artist can have. There are numerous books, articles, podcasts, blog posts and videos devoted to wrestling with it. Almost all of these works include recommendations for dealing with creative block, but many of these “techniques” feel like graduate school exercises which, like graduate school itself, may or may not be helpful. Other times they come off as condescending and almost insulting, as though the problem is simply that artists have no self-discipline or can’t manage time.

I’ve talked to a lot of artists about their experiences with creative block, and have my own to add. I can safely say that it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation.  Creatives experience blocks for different reasons that often go far beyond what a one-off exercise can cure.  That means busting through your creative block may require more than a nap or an art-school exercise.
by spinster cardigan via Flickr
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode

The first step is to pinpoint and truly understand the deep underlying mechanism of what creates the blocks that you experience.  This phase of discovery is generally skipped by mainstream creativity tomes, because it can be time-consuming, and painful and enlightening by turns. While only you can deduce what is triggering your block, here are some common themes:

Fear.  Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of falling outside or inside accepted norms. Consider the project in front of you and ask consider whether there is fear attached to it in any way. Why are you scared of moving forward?

Confusion. Our brains are miraculous things, capable of holding many different ideas, goals, and processes all at once. You may have lost track of the purpose of your work, or let your focus become blurred by competing priorities and plans.

Mindset issues. Your subconscious is just as miraculous as your active brain, and in some cases it works  even harder to make sure your reality lines up with your thoughts.  But your thoughts about yourself and your artistic practice come not just from you, but from the input and expectations of your family, your colleagues, your upbringing, your culture, your society.  If there is dissonance between your subconscious and your conscious direction, this can lead to all manner of self-sabotage, and what better to sabotage an artist than creative block?

The second step is working through the issues you identify.  To truly address creative block is a process rather than an event and may take time.  Additionally, each episode of creative block may have different triggers, so be prepared to wash, rinse, repeat.

Here are some less commonly-cited methods for tackling your issues—although if you really WANT to take a nap, tear up something you have deemed important, or  spend the afternoon drawing with your nondominant hand, please feel free to go ahead !

Meditation and mindfulness
I have had a meditation practice for a very long time and have found both scripted guided meditations  and simple brief mindfulness exercises in attention are great ways to relax the mind and jumpstart creativity.


EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or “tapping”)
I don’t know why EFT works. It seems like this pattern of tapping on your face and upper body and repeating statements that end with you reaffirming your love and acceptance of yourself wouldn’t have any effect on anything, but something does happen when you tap regularly. Some suggest that it serves as a pattern interrupter, drawing our “toddler brain” away from repetitive programming and setting a new focus in its place.

Intentionality
In the words of life coach Cheryl Richardson, “there is amazing power in a strong intention.”  If you haven’t given thought to what your intention is in making art, now might be a good time. Writing down what you hope to achieve with  your work and setting an intention for it, whether for the individual piece on which you feel blocked or for your artistic practice overall if you are more generally blocked, can give you something to grab onto whenever inspiration escapes you.

Committing to Consistency
Woody Allen famously said that 80 percent of life is showing up, and that’s particularly true for artists who feel blocked or stymied in their practices, according to Prague-based visual artist Jessica Serran. “I’m all about magic and miracles, but not when it comes to having a consistent studio practice,” explains Serran, who is also leader at Source and Sanctuary where she helps artists explore their own callings. “Consistent creative flow comes from showing up for yourself – not from waiting for divine inspiration to strike.  Inspiration is not a limited resource. Like solar power, that shit is renewable. The trick is knowing that you have the power to usher inspiration in."


Resources:
Jessica Serran
Source and Sanctuary—A Field Guide to Uncharted Creative Callings

Emotional Freedom Technique: Basic Steps to Your Emotional Freedom
Julie Schiffman
Mercola

Why EFT Could Very Well Be Just the Right Thing for You
Brad Yates
Tapwithbrad.com

How Mindfulness Can Help Your Creativity
George Hofmann
Psych Central

What Daily Meditation Can Do For Your Creativity
Mark McGuinness
99U by Behance

Exploring Intention: Setting an Intention for Creativity
Chel Micheline
Bliss Habits

5 Steps to Setting Powerful Intentions
Deepak Chopra, MD
The Chopra Center



Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Busting the Bullshit Myth of the Starving Artist

by E. Marie Robertson

Society loves the "starving artist" myth, and we creatives are fed it from an early age. It infects us, and it infects the people who are potential buyers of our artwork. The poor struggling artist, painting feverishly in his or her sparse freezing garret, is a universal stereotype that is played out everywhere from classic literature to the nightly news. But there is some insidious doublespeak going on at the same time. Consider this: even while describing the desperate situation of "many artists" in a recent article about subsidized housing programs for creatives (one featured artist was, in fact, homeless), Bloomberg Business also heralded artists' "bankable cache."


So which is it? Are artists struggling, unappreciated, starving, broke? Or are artists "bankable"?

That. Is. Such. Bullshit.


I'm a sincere believer in the idea that we become the stories we tell ourselves. If you're trapped in the "struggling" cycle, breaking out might need to start in your head. Here are some important points to address to remove the labels and stop living the stereotype.

1. Watch Your Language. How do you describe yourself to others? What kinds of words do you use to characterize your life, your work, the lives and work of other artists? Stop painting yourself as struggling, starving, broke, unsuccessful, unappreciated, underpaid, etc. in your everyday conversations ... even the ones you have with yourself. You're only making that stereotype stronger, even if you're under the impression that you're just kidding when you say it. Language creates specific pathways in your brain that affect behavior. Don't create any more of the "wrong" ones.

Steps to take: First, just try to notice every time you use a derogatory or negative word or phrase in normal conversation about yourself, your work, your financial standing. Make a list of the ones that appear most often and the situations in which they come up. Now, create positive or nonjudgmental replacements for those negative turns of phrase so they don't come to define you over the long term. Make this a continual practice! You will be shocked by how automatic self-deprecation can be. 

2. Explode Self-Limiting Beliefs. Many of us have swallowed whole the fallacy that poverty and struggle, especially for emerging artists, is some kind of  litmus test to gauge how "good" or "serious" we are about our work. The next time you tell yourself you're broke because you are truly devoted to your craft and make "serious" art, think about whether or not Cindy Sherman, Ai Wei Wei, Gerhard Richter, Andreas Gursky or Chuck Close make "serious" artwork, or seem "devoted" to their craft. "Serious" is not the opposite of "saleable," nor is "real" the opposite of "successful."

Steps to take: Remove judgement from the equation. Make your work. If your response to the list above was  "But that's them, that's not me. I'm no Chuck Close,"  ask yourself why not? If you're doing something you believe in, you are no different than them. If you find yourself feeling tinges of jealousy over other artists' success, transform that emotion into confirmation that artists CAN be successful, and that includes you.

3. Kick Your Fears to the Curb. Do you have specific fears connected to success and prosperity? This can be linked to #3 ("If my artwork is popular, it can't be very good."), or can be much more personal ("If I succeed as an artist it will mean my mother, who always told me I would never make any money as an artist, would be wrong and I can't make mom wrong."). You might even be worried that if you make "too much" money, you'll draw the negative attention of the IRS or have to set boundaries with a deadbeat relative who is always asking everyone for financial help. It doesn't matter if the fears are large or small, totally illogical or highly likely. It's our most powerful motivator, and can keep you trapped in a very tight space for a lifetime.

Steps to take: Make a long exhaustive list of everything that worries you about potential success and prosperity. Include everything you can think of, no matter how tangential or silly it seems. Now go through that list and carefully, realistically consider the likelihood of that fear coming to pass ... and what it would mean and what you would do about it. Understanding your fears in context enables you to address them so they no longer have power over you.

4. Begin Evaluating Where You Need Help ... and Get It. What's holding you back? Money blocks? Creative issues? Deep psychological conditioning around success and failure? No understanding of how to sell your art or promote yourself? There are coaches on top of coaches available to work with you, and many of them offer very solid free introductory courses or training sessions online. You'll also find many of these concerns addressed in best-selling books and online vehicles like TED Talks and blogs. Depending on where you live, you may also find some great options locally,  like artists' guilds and collaboratives, small business advisors, or other community college or Learning Annex courses to help you approach your practice like the successful positive experience it should be.

Additional Resources:

Oldham, Jennifer. "Dream Apartments for $582 a Month -- If You're a Starving Artist." Bloomberg.com. Bloomberg, 20 Nov. 2015. Web. 10 Feb. 2016. <http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-11-20/dream-apartments-for-582-a-month-if-you-re-a-starving-artist>.

Zaidi, Nida. "Top 10 Richest Painters of 2015." Smart Earning Methods. N.p., 22 Oct. 2014. Web. <http://www.smartearningmethods.com/top-10-richest-painters-world-2015/>.


Coming up next week on ArtLifeNow: Breaking Through Creative Blocks

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Don't Fear the Taxman! Take Proactive Steps Instead!

by E. Marie Robertson


The information in this article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for accounting, tax, or financial advice from a qualified professional.

January 2016 has come and gone and for many of us that means just one thing: the tax forms are in the mail. 

For artists, tax time can be fraught with uncertainty and fear. We’ve all heard a horror story or two about an artist who has had to defend their life’s work from being classified as a “hobby.”  Even artists whose work is in the Guggenheim and the Met have not been immune from the dismissive hand-wave of the IRS. 

But don’t fear. Despite the hype and the urban legends, the IRS is not really specifically out to get artists. Taking just a few clear-cut steps now can help you be ready to file with confidence and avoid the “red flags” that could trigger an audit, as well as the stress that often accompanies doing your taxes.

1. Make sure to report ALL OF YOUR INCOME. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s not an uncommon assumption that the less money we make, the less likely the IRS is to pick on us. In fact, the opposite is true:  statistics show that more than 5% of returns among those making less than $24,000 per year trigger audits, and nothing is more likely to get negative attention from the IRS than a return showing a $0 income. So gather together all those 1099s and W2s and handmade receipts for the artwork you sold at that show or fair or through Etsy. Think of it as a celebration instead of a chore: your art actually DID make some money for you last year. Hooray!

2. Get your expense documentation in order. If you file Schedule C as a small business owner and are reporting a loss, make sure you have excellent records and documentation. According to FreelanceTaxation.com, a web site created and maintained by New York tax expert Susan Lee, you need to keep all  of your receipts, even if you purchased supplies with a credit card.  “Credit cards are not receipts,” the site emphasizes.  Although a credit card statement shows you paid for something, a receipt is needed to give the details of the purchase. Those details are how the IRS will determine if those deductions are accepted or denied if you find yourself in an audit.

3. Start early. It’s important to make sure your return is filled out 100% correctly, so start putting time into your document organization now.  If you discover you are missing documentation or receipts, it will be much better—and significantly less stressful—to start dealing with those issues in February than in April

What kind of things might land you in front of an auditor? According to the website Nerdwallet, things like math errors, not reporting 1099 income, reporting too many losses on Schedule C, or claiming too many business expenses are big red flags to the IRS. Recent court decisions have taken a slightly softer tone toward the “business vs. hobby” question, but remember that you do need to demonstrate a real intention and effort to manage your artmaking practice professionally and with key business systems, like inventory tracking, basic accounting, and expense reporting, in place.

Finally, don’t hesitate to engage a tax professional  to help you with your returns. That person can guide you toward maximum deductions and steer you away from errors specific to your situation and the state you live in. And if you do fall victim to an audit, he or she will represent you at the proceeding, saving you an extra measure of stress.

Additional Resources:

Kennedy, Randy. "Tax Court Ruling Is Seen as a Victory for Artists." The New York Times. The New York Times, 6 Oct. 2014. Web. <http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/07/arts/design/tax-court-ruling-is-seen-as-a-victory-for-artists.html?_r=1>.

Lee, Susan. FreelanceTaxation.com:Taxes for freelancers, artists, writers and psychotherapists.  Susan Lee, CFP, n.d. Web. 02 Feb. 2016. <http://www.freelancetaxation.com/>. Includes deductible expense checklists for visual and performance artists, as well as extensive information regarding money management and financial planning for creatives and freelancers.

Paden, Romona. "7 Reasons theIRS Will Audit You." Web log post. Nerdwallet. N.p., 18 Dec. 2015. Web. <https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/taxes/7-reasons-irs-audit/>.

Riley, Peter Jason. "Taxation & Tax Deductions forthe Self-employed Visual Artist." Arts Tax Info: Visual Artists. Riley & Associates PC, n.d. Web. 02 Feb. 2016. <http://www.artstaxinfo.com/artists.shtml>. Includes downloadable artist expense and income worksheets, example of inventory documentation for tax purposes, and a sample artist's tax return.

Taylor, Joy. "16 IRS Red Audit Flags." Kiplinger. Kiplinger Tax Letter, Dec. 2015. Web log post. <http://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/taxes/T056-S011-tax-audit-red-flags/index.html>
.
"What Makes an Artist a Professional for TaxPurposes?" 1-800-Accountant.com. Web log post. <http://1800accountant.com/blog/what-makes-an-artist-a-professional-for-tax-purposes/>.

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Hearing the Voice That Matters

I just spent one of the more rewarding hours in my studio that I can remember in a long while. I spent it working with encaustic, but in the way I prefer--a way that no one recommends and no one teaches. It's not in any book I've seen, or in any workshop description. I've tried all kinds of techniques in encaustic and gotten frustrated with most of them. Maybe it's a lack of practice or expertise, but I think there's more to it.

I think I got stuck listening to all the other voices out there and forgot to hear my own.

I know what I like to do. Why don't I do it?

I wrote the above months and months ago and saved it as a draft. I was planning to write about how the only voice that matters is your Inner Cheerleader, the one who knows you and knows your heart and loves you no matter what. I was going to explain how you might not know your Inner Cheerleader, and how you could get him or her into a better position to give you help along the way. Because really, we all do know what we want, we just have so many other competing voices in our heads  ("it's not practical," "you're not good enough," "people will just make fun of you," "that won't ever make any money," "people like you don't do things like that," "that's NOT how anyone else does it") that we have trouble hearing the fact that what we were doing made us happy.

Sounds great, right? I'm sure it would have been a huge help to the 4.3 regular readers of this blog.

But then those other voices got on top of me, and suddenly nothing in my world seemed right.

I was headhunted (!) for this awesome job. With an awesome company, and awesome people. And when I went in for the interviews, they thought I was awesome too. Cool, they said. Quirky. We like you. In the job I had at the time, I had been consistently criticized by my manager because I didn't act like him, didn't dress the way he wanted me to, didn't talk to people the way he thought I should, didn't play the game he thought we were in. My poor Inner Cheerleader was getting the crap kicked out of her on a daily basis, and all those things were so counter to my nature that when I got a chance to go elsewhere for more money to place where they LIKED what I was bringing to the table, I jumped at it.

I kind of missed the part where it was the same job, which I didn't really love anyway. I thought, "more money will make this work."

It didn't.

I was only about a month ago that I began reading some of my old blog posts, from back around 2008. I was writing about art, about theory, about people and experiences. I was bright and engaged and focused and fun, intellectual and curious.

And then I looked at some of my more recent blog posts and found they were about myself, or my process, or some other thing that had very little crossover to other people. I was dull and disjointed, dispirited, simplistic.

And then I realized the truth. My job was all grind, process, and difficult conversations. There was not the slightest shred of creativity anywhere in it. There was no real learning in it, and no meaningful engagement -- at least, there was no engagement in it that was meaningful to me. My job was making me dull and stupid. My intellect was withering. My creativity was starving. My Inner Cheerleader was in intensive care and barely whispering. One day, I said out loud to myself, "I want my life back."

I wish I could say I had been smart/clever/strong enough to have left on my own; I didn't. The folks at my company were ahead of me in terms of realizing the job was not going to be a fit for me over the long term. So here I am. I have my life back. My time is my own. My world has opened back up, and I'm trying to make good use of it, but I'm anxious about money and survival and all that stuff. I have figured out (with the help of an amazing career coach; our relationship isn't formal yet but as soon as it is I'll clue you in as to who she is and where you can find her) that I need to stop thinking of my profession as WORK, as the Thing I'll Have to Do Until I Drop Dead Because I'll Never Have Enough Money to Retire and instead find the Thing I Never Want to Stop Doing Because I Love It So Much.

I feel at little energized about the future. A little excited. OK, more than a little, but it's hard to go full-out when you're this far of the safety net. You know what I mean.

I can hear my Inner Cheerleader again, very faintly. She's weak, but she's out of ICU and I just heard her say "yay."