leaves and variation

I am ostensibly at work right now, at my job, my paying gig, the thing I do because I have an MFA and the gianormous student loan debt that came with it and a chronically underemployed spouse and a mortgage. I am not interested in enlightening the world through web development right now; on the way to work I saw a wonderous thing, yellow leaves swirling down off a tree like blessings, falling through the sky, and it made me want to take my video camera and lie under the tree and just shoot the swirling for 20 minute or an hour or as long as it would go on. I can see the video in my head, see how extraordinary it would be. That's how it is for video with me, I see the finished thing as I shoot, the transitions and changes already in place, the variations, the contextual nuances ...

But I had to come to work. It was a "work day." I have to make money, because ...

I cannot concentrate on my work projects, they all seem to be superficial and uninteresting--and only in part because they do in fact tend to be superficial and uninteresting. In my soul, I am lying under that tree on the corner of College and Dwight with my big heavy Sony turned toward the sky, enjoying the sensation of hurtling through space, hyperspace, only populated by yellow leaves and gray clouds rather than blackness and the pinpricks of stars racing by.